I love black thongs
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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