I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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