So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
