I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
