i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
