just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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