You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
