tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize