We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
