i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize