she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
