I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
