his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
