I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize