never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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