I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
