I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
