I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
