What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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