It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
