can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
