woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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