You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
