he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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