Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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