How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
