I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
