If i come over, it means nothing
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
