Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
