she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize