we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
