dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
