Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
