I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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