I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
