It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
