It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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