Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
