he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
