just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
