Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
