Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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