You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
