I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
