I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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