Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
