She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
