You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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