is your mom at the bar?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
