i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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