DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
