dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
