I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
