There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize