I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
