me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
