To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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