Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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