i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
