her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
