i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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