Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
