So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize