Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
