so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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