this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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