My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
